Changing States
With this post, the 2023 version of 91 Days is half over. And, so far, I have some very mixed feelings. They center around frustrations with the camera and frustrations with my schedule. I'm going to start with the camera, so if that bores you, skip down two paragraphs.
I've been shooting this project entirely with my nearly twelve-year old Panasonic Lumix GX-1. It is such a good camera; it fits into my hands so well I often forget I'm carrying it, only to reach for it and find that I've already got a shot lined up. It's that good. And, for over a decade now it has done everything I wanted it to and more. It switches between manual and automatic functions with ease, it handles a wide variety of lighting conditions, the screen is still bright and easy to see even after all the abuse it's gotten...it's a seriously good camera and I've definitely gotten my money out of it.
But. The pictures just aren't coming out the way I want them too. Partly that's my fault, asking the camera to do big, scenic photos it wasn't really designed for. But mostly that's the limitations of twelve-year-old digital technology. In the intervening years, sensor tech and, more importantly, image tech have come so far, that most of the photos for this project just look old. Washed out. No matter how much time I spend in the digital darkroom, everything is not quite where I want it. I think, no matter how much I love this camera, once this project is done, it's time to retire it. The thought honestly makes me sad.
And that feeling has kind of pervaded this entire project. That frustration that I just can't get things to line up right. Every photo feels stolen, like I have not been able to take the time or get to the spot in the right timeframe to get the shot that I know is there. Partly it's just having to work so much (like everyone, I know), but mainly it's just been not having the energy.
I had thought I wouldn't have much issue finding ten to fifteen minutes to stop and snag a handful of shots as I went throughout my day. And yet...sometimes it has been more like 30 seconds, shooting from the hip, as I dash from my car to my classroom. I don't really know what to do about it.
Unlike last year's photos where my schedule started busy and got freer as the project went on, this year is the opposite and I just haven't been able to adjust. I'm not sure what that means for future editions of the project, but I know I want to do more. I just want to do it all better.
Anyone else feel this way?